This morning, I was brushing my teeth, staring at myself in the mirror, “Why do you do this to yourself Emily? You have so many charts to do, and yet again, you’ve left the blog until the last minute. Why are you this way?”
But by the grace of God, one of my roommates crashed into the bathroom and announced she had a blog for me! I looked at her face, that still held the evidence of a good crying session with the Lord, and I asked her what it was about. She told me she’d just send it to me.
The words she sent me are beautiful, and vulnerable, and real; and I’m so thankful God put it on her heart. I was thinking of editing it, but upon reflection, I realized the beauty in her processing is that you can tell it was written in a way which desperately needed to express all the truths God was pouring over her. Sometimes, God just drops a revelation on us as we study this story of His grace, and that’s exactly what happened to Natalie.
I am so undeserving of Gods love. I don’t deserve it and definitely haven’t earned it. All the things I’ve done, sins I’ve committed, and the many times I’ve turned away from Him. Despite all those sins and turning away from God, He still pursues me. That burden of feeling worthless and condemned for all my faults, Jesus covered that all! He brought me Jesus so that I wouldn’t have to deal with all of that for the rest of my life. He still longs for a friendship full of laughter and love, and just wants to live life with me. He wants to have talks about life, my difficulties and triumphs. He’ll fight endlessly to have that, always. It’s so amazing!
You know when you do something stupid and you regret it? You slept with your best friend’s ex, you went out one night and got wasted, you lied to someone and said “no, I didn’t do that...I’m a Christian, we don’t do things like that.” I have. I’ve gone out and got trashed and lied to friends because I felt ashamed of what I did. I’m so undeserving of our Father’s love.
But He still wants me.
He pursues the broken. He still pursues when we act stupid and regret our actions.
After all that, after everything we’ve done, He’s still kind. He’s still gentle. He listens to our hearts and knows them better than we do, because He created us. He created our hearts.
As I’ve been studying Samuel, God’s Heart is just amazing. After all the stupid things that the Israelites did, worshipping other gods, forgetting how God saved them from slavery and brought them to a new land, they still were ungrateful. They wanted a king to rule over them that wasn’t Him. They wanted an actual human like the other nations around them. God wasn’t good enough for them.
After all the things that the Israelites did, and seeing what we have done, we are like the Israelites. We complain. We sin. We forget how worthy God is and how much He’s done for us. And yet, He’s still standing right beside us, holding our hand, trying to lead us back to Him. Fighting for a relationship He so longs for. After all our stupidity, He still wants us. What? Yep! He has been and will continue to be so good to us! Overwhelming and never-ending love for the people He created. I'm so undeserving of it all. Thank you, Father and thank you, Jesus!”
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